10 More Ways to Give Back to Your Friendly Local Wal-Mart

1. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wave your arms and legs around like you're having some kind of massive seizure.

2. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn away.

3. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character - if you're on a horse, then pretend that you're a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over and wants to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

4. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that you're a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

5. In the food aisle, pretend that there’s a little bug and slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if you're trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles and stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out, “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest cockroach I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then repeat.

6. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good Bessie.”

7. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”

8. When you're alone, have loud conversations with your “multiple personalities”. Have an Englishman, a Southerner, a New Yorker, a Grandma, and a 5-year-old girl all at the same time and remember to use accents. They should sound something like this: “Great idea, good fellow, we shall have a jolly good time!" (English) “Look, oall I wanna do is wok at Stawbucks and git a cawfee." (New York) etc. etc.

9. TP as much of the store as possible.

10. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.