Zane's (Sad but True) Life Story - Pt.1

After 8th grade, Zane is feeling very depressed because she will probably never see her amazing friends anymore, so she decides to have a little "fun" but after the tenth cosmo she realizes she has no designated driver (tsk tsk) so she hot wires a car and attempts to drive home (and she's 14 at the time, so you realize how drunk she was.) Inevitably, she gets into a car crash (that's what you get for not going to driving school) and winds up in a coma. For 9 years.


So when Zane wakes up, she is 23 years old. The doctors give her the medical bill, but when Zane calls her parents for money, they disown her and now Zane is alone, in debt, and still has guy problems. Sheena, on the other hand, lives in South Carolina and is currently dating the son of a sheriff and doing very well at the local college. Sheena also keeps in touch with Rawr, now a professional hacker in Australia. Sad little Zane hitchhikes to Sheena's house and once she arrives there, she starts complaining about her life. Sheena, unsympathetic after Zane severed all connections with her after 8th grade, locks her in the guest room and tells Zane to find a job and a life and to not jump out the window and kill herself.

Zane agrees to find a job and life, but when Sheena releases her, Zane runs and manages to stowaway on a boat to Australia, where she hitchhikes to Rawr's beachside condo. Rawr, the professional hacker, is irked when Zane interrupts her hack on government files. Zane begins to whine, when her arm starts beeping and she notices a bump - Rawr had implanted a GPS tracker in her arm during the coma (thanks to her amazing technological skills.) Sheena's voice suddenly comes out of nowhere - "I know you're at Rawr's condo!" (The tracker turns out to be a cell phone too.)

Zane begins to freak out and Rawr answers her own ringing phone (a modified iPhone) and talks to Sheena, who is on the other end. She tells Sheena to bring the straitjackets (which Sheena had prepared personally for Zane, name and everything.) When Sheena arrives from America, she and Rawr lock Zane in a padded cell in Rawr's condo.

Sheena and Rawr get bored with making faces at Zane through the bulletproof window and turn on the T.V. It shows a concert from Carnegie Hall with Angela Bell and her husband (Joshua Bell) playing a violin duet. Excited, professional hacker Rawr runs around her condo screaming, "We were stand partners!!!" Sheena and Rawr get Zane out of the cell and show her the T.V. and they have an alcohol-free party. Then Zane goes back in the cell.

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What will Sheena and Rawr do to Zane next? Well Zane ever get that life and job?! Will the world spontaneously combust?!?! Find out, on Zane's (Sad but True) Life Story - Pt. 2!

(Note: All characters in the story are based on actual people, under pseudonyms. If you know who Zane is, then you will find this as hilarious as we do. If you don't, then ignore this post. Thank you!)

From the Offices of Dr. R. Awr and Dr. H. Owl

After months of observation, Dr. R. Awr and Dr. H. Owl have released the details of their study of a typical conversation between two popular girls. The conversation is documented below.

Setting: Popular A and Popular B meet before school to discuss their weekends, even though they have already texted each other the details...twice.

Popular A: So, like, the other day I went to the mall, right? And you will never believe who I saw!

Popular B: Ohmygod, like, who?

A: Kristy and Nate!

B: Ohmygod, no way!

A: Way!

B: I can't, like, believe it!

A: I know, right? So anyway, I was going to go up to them but then I got distracted by this like really cute nail polish I saw in a store window, so I went in and I couldn't decide if I wanted the rose nail polish or the magenta nail polish -

B: I, like, hate having to make hard decisions like that.

A: I know, right? So the rose was classic, but the magenta would have matched my new outfit that I bought at Hollister - and I also got a bottle of that new perfume there - so I ended up buying like both nail polishes!

B: Genius!

A: I know, right?

B: So what happened with Nate and Kristy?

A: Well by the time I was done buying a set of lip gloss, a new pair of shoes, a sweater, a scarf, a pair of jeans, a hair band, hair extensions, and like everything else that was cute in that store, they were, like, gone!

B: Dang, just missed them!

A: I know, right?!

...the conversation goes on to discuss boys, teachers, and clothes. However, Dr. R. Awr and Dr. H. Owl have decided to spare us and have burned the rest of the conversation.

Twilight

So basically, the Twilight series is about a girl who falls in love with a vampire, who saves her then leaves her and she falls in love with a werewolf but she goes to save the vampire from a bunch of evil vampires and then the vampire comes back and she's in love with him again and the vampires and werewolves save her from another evil vampire and she marries the vampire and gets frickin' PREGNANT and then the werewolf falls in love with their KID which is just TWISTED and they all live happily ever after.

Yay.

So, if the plot isn't bad enough, it's just a teensy bit creepy that a forty-year-old woman is dreaming about vampires and werewolves. Yes, Stephenie Meyer actually did dream of the plot. And that's how the Twilight series, which really needs to go burn down under, was created.

And to make matters even worse, they went and made a MOVIE about it. And it sucked. Badly. Real badly. Like gouge-out-your-eyes-with-a-dull-spoon badly. However, Howl liked it...She's dead.

Twilight. Read it it you like those pain in the butt, love triangle stories that never end soon enough. Watch the movie if you feel like committing suicide anytime soon.

This was our segment on flaming Twilight. Hope you enjoyed it!

Stuff You're Gonna Know Cuz I'm Excited So You Should Be Too

Howl gets excited about a new boyfriend, and I get psyched about a computer!!! It used to be my sister's so it's not exactly new, but heck, a 'puter's a 'puter, and now that it's in my room I can blog and write in MY OWN ROOM!!! No more getting kicked off the computer cuz now it's MINE!!! Muahahahahahaha!!!!!

Anyway, sometime in the near future we will be flaming twilight and giving you tips on how to survive a zombie attack, so stay tuned!

Update

Well, here we are again at our old background. And just to keep things easy and simple, we're gonna stick with this one unless we find something better. But for now, we can focus on blogging again!

Battle of the Bloggers!!!

To uphold this blog's reputation and honor, Howl and I recently joined two other blogger teams (Riley and Terry from "Nerds R Us" and Sheena and Angela - who stood in for Zandeleigh - from "From the Confused Minds of Zandeleigh and Sheena") in an intense Battle of the Bloggers!!!

We underwent three mentally and physically strenuous tasks that included:

- Building a unique structure out of expired marshmallows and toothpicks
- Blowing bubbles with dish soap with our hands
- Smashing fruit with a large rubber mallet

And true to our blog, HOWL AND I WON ALL THREE!!! Our marshmallow castle completely blew away Riley and Terry’s top-heavy rocket and Sheena and Angela’s fort and swing set! Our amazing hot dog bubble killed the competition! And lastly, thanks to Howl’s superior upper body strength, we totally slaughtered those apples and tomatoes.

So yes, it has been proven.

Our blog is the best.

And if you’re thinking “What the heck does marshmallows and bubbles have to do with blogs?”…well, they don’t, but we’re still the best.

So thank you for your nonexistent support!

And remember: What The Fudgesikles will always remain #1.

Until next time, followers!

- Rawr and Howl, your favorite butt-kicking bloggers

You Know You're An Orch Dork When...

- You hold your toothbrush the way you hold your bow completely unintentionally

- You no longer crack up when someone says "my g-string snapped"

- You attack your dad when he tries to take your cello/bass and put it in the back of the truck for you

- You start naming your pets or stuffed animals (for all those who still have them) after composers

- You are watching a movie or television and either say "OMG! I've played that before!" or "I have that song!"

- You get together with your friends and in the midst of deciding what to do, you find yourselves playing chamber music

- You buy things like cookie cutters and pasta in the shape of musical notes and instruments

- You know every viola joke by heart

- You know that viola jokes are just so TRUE

- You have separate buddy lists - one for orch dorks and one for "regular people"

- You've named your instrument

- You can draw various instruments on your Etch-a-Sketch

- You carry around a nail clipper

- You sing Beethoven/Tchaikovsky symphonies in parts for fun

- You protect your hands at all costs...except in the case of Egyptian Ratscrew

- You ask for bows/rosin/mutes for Christmas...and cry when you don't get them

- Whenever you're in school, you think about how an orch dork school would be so much cooler

- You go nuts when you hear the school bell go off because you try to figure out what pitch it is

- The A 440 has gone off on your pocket metronome in the middle of English class

- Your metronome is the most expensive item you own

- You sing along with the microwave

- You find yourself conducting to classical/soundtrack music

- You listen to classical/soundtrack music

- When cleaning, you find strings in odd places and wonder how they got there

- You have Christmas music stuck in your head before Thanksgiving because you're already rehearsing it

- You do stupid things like walk into walls or fall up the stairs

- You glare at the band geeks because they're not nearly as cool as orch dorks!!!

-- YAH!!! GO ORCH DORKS!!!!! --